There's a scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where he's looking at a chasm, and across from him is a cave where he knows the Holy Grail lies. Following the instructions his father left in his journal, he takes a step out into the abyss, and much to his surprise, doesn't fall to his death. Instead, a stone ledge that blends in perfectly with the background of the chasm stretches all the way across to the mouth of the cave.
Sometimes that's what it feels like. Moving forward, uncertain, but trusting your father.
I recently got a new computer. It's a slight bump in speed from what I had, but more importantly, it allows me to sell my old one off and actually make a little bit of money. A new computer is an excellent excuse to clean your office, so I tackled that today and yesterday. In doing so, I found a blog post I had printed off. It is written by a girl who interned for Dave Kellett, whose comic Sheldon I read on a daily basis, and who I generally look up to for being able to consistently write jokes that are both funny and clean.
Here's what she wrote:
So the first blog post was a warm up, and I hope this one isn’t nearly as cheeky as the last one, although if it’s cheesy I apologize and again reiterate that I’m being sincere. I’ve always dreamed of being a writer. I didn’t know what kind of publication or what type of writing, but I liked the idea of sitting at a desk, looking out onto the ocean and writing all day. And at times I scribble, but I never took the initiative to get it off paper and into print, let alone someone else’s hands. One day my grandpa asked me to share with him what I’ve written. I refused and then took a second to laugh at myself. How can I claim to be a future writer when I’ve never shared anything I’ve written?
Which brings me to my internship. People have dreams, and they have talents that complement those dreams, but too many times fear and perhaps even laziness tends to hinder their ability to create. Dave shared with me his story of how he created Sheldon; of his move from a safe corporate job toward trying to make a living off of what he really loved to do. Eventually, he had to take that leap. Although Dave has been teaching me the ways of his business, I can’t imagine what it was like eight years ago for him. Starting a self-owned publishing company that is now on its 7th book; attempting to master Photoshop, Illustrator, Dreamweaver, InDesign, Quickbooks; and 10,000 other programs; learning to deal with quirks of day-to-day business…and all because he just wanted to draw some comics! I asked Dave how he figured it all out, how he had the drive to continue trying to create what is now a smooth business process, and he responded, “…I guess I just did. When you really, really want something, you figure out a way”.
With that in mind, whatever your dream is, just start doing it, even in its simplest form. And then when you feel more confident, share. The artist always just wants to create art, but sometimes they have to power through the kinks behind the business to make it successful. If we quit trying to share our art because of technological difficulties, or shyness, or business difficulties, or because we couldn’t find the email address to our local newspaper, or because we didn’t know what to say to that band manager or gallery owner… then we’ll never show our art to the world. To create art is great, to take the time and energy to share it, despite how hard that may be, is even more “awesome sauce”.
The reason I printed it out (3 years ago now) was that I found it inspiring and motivating. So much of the time you hear people telling you to follow your dreams and decide who you want to be and be that person. For years now, I have been pursuing my dream of being a professional fine art photographer. I have been moderately successful, in that I have built up a portfolio I'm proud of and I've sold a few prints here and there. But it hasn't taken off like I'd hoped. I've had endless encouragement, but little practical knowledge on how to actually sell my product. I've had great ideas for other things I can make on the side, like decorative light switch covers, or leather journals, but both are extremely time and labor intensive.
Since I found out I was going to be a father, and especially since Robbie was born, I've felt an ever pressing urge to get out of what I'm doing. Find some way to support my family while staying at home. Now that Lori's maternity leave is over, and it's my turn to stay home with Robbie for 3 months, I feel like I've been given an opportunity. I have 3 months to find a way that I can make enough money working from home to support my family. Last week, I may have found just that. For my birthday tomorrow, I will head up to Plymouth to get a demo of a laser engraving machine. After researching it extensively and talking to my mother, who has experience using one, I have determined that it is worth considering. The demo tomorrow should answer some of my remaining questions, and from there it's just sitting down with Lori, a calculator and a Bible to determine if this is the right thing to pursue. This is different from other things I've looked at. With my photography, I can create beautiful pictures with equipment I already own. With the light switch covers, I can go to Menards and get a 10 pack for a few dollars, spray paint for a few more, and get my templates cut in vinyl for not very much. With the journals, again, it's really only a few dollars for materials to try it out. Not so with the laser. Entry level machines start at $8,000. And that's without any of the attachments or ducting or air supply or software you need. High end machines with large work beds and powerful lasers cost upwards of $40,000. And that's just for the machine. After that, you need something to engrave. Stone tablets, wine glasses, zippos, trophies, plaques... all of the things one would normally engrave also cost a fair bit of money. It's not something I can just pick up and then put down if it doesn't pan out.
So there have been questions. Lori asked me if this business was something I thought I could stay passionate about. Something that I could do for the rest of my life. The answer to that is yes, I believe it is. The cool thing about lasers is, you can put whatever design you want, into practically any material you want. I've even seen laser etched microfiber and linen. The possibilities are literally endless. Everyone I talk to seems to have a new idea for how it could be used. Flame decals on your engine valve cover? Sure. Absolutely that can be done. It would even take a lot of the time intensive labor out of my light switch covers if I can etch the pattern right into the metal. It's not just simple patterns or text either. Using some pretty incredible software, you can etch photographs into materials with astounding results. Want your wedding photo engraved in marble? It can do that. Another question was brought up by my friend Dan. Dan has been pursuing his own business for years now too. He's had significantly more success than I have, but after much soul searching, and some wise counsel, he has decided to put that business on the back burner. He's not quitting, but he realized that he had spent so much time and energy pursuing the business that it had drained the joy from everything else in his life. Here's where I think I have an edge over him. His pursuit was his dream of having this company where he could follow his creative passions and do for a living what he enjoys. His goal was the business. My goal is not my business. I don't care if what I'm doing for a living fulfills my artistic passions, as long as I'm still able to in other ways. My goal, my desire, is my family. I desire to help raise my son. When I was young, my dad worked in a very stressful job that kept him away from the family. He spent long hours at work, and when he came home, was too exhausted and frustrated to be the kind of father he really wanted to be. I know it's one of his great regrets in life. I don't want that. I don't want it for me, and I don't want it for Robbie, or any of his future brothers or sisters. My dad did what everyone said he should do. He worked hard to provide for his family. And there is certainly nothing wrong with that. But he did it at the expense of the relationships with the very family he was working for. He nearly lost some of us. There is still damage to relationships that will take a very long time to heal.
So my question to myself is "what drives you?" Is it making sure that your kids have a comfortable life? Or is it making sure your kids know what's important in life? I will work hard to make sure my kids eat, have clothes and a safe place to sleep. There is no question of that. But I can't justify losing my family at any cost. So more than working hard for the sake of making money, I'm going to be working hard for the sake of their souls.
“…I guess I just did. When you really, really want something, you figure out a way”.
